So it begins…

    Posted on: April 17th, 2017 by Randi No Comments


    Locked!

    LOCKED!

    There are some things even I won’t share with the world. This post is private and can only be seen by approved, registered members of this site. If you’d like to view posts like these, please contact me so I can sign you up. (randiftw@gmail.com or @randiftw).

     

    I’m Doing Everything Wrong, As Usual

    Posted on: March 3rd, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    I had an appointment with physical therapy yesterday morning. I was nervous that the visit would leave me more painful than when I entered but that wasn’t the case.

    My physical therapist, Ashley, explained my injury to me in a way that I understood it completely. I also learned that everything I was doing was wrong and everything I thought was wrong, was right.

    I’ve been afraid to do anything that causes pain for fear of making the whole thing worse. When the reality is that the pain means I’m doing something right. I herniated my disc and like when you squeeze a jelly doughnut, the stuff inside needs to go somewhere. In this case, it went the way that is pressing on a nerve (like the photo). I need to get it to go the other way, the opposite (extension) of how I hurt it (inflection). So my “comfortable” position on my back isn’t helping and I should be laying on my stomach. This is painful, of course, but by doing a few exercises that she showed me, the pain moved closer to my injury and away from my calf. This was a good sign.

    I have 2 appointments next week but two sheets of exercises to work on in the mean time. I still don’t know what this means in regards to my appointment with the surgeon in a couple of weeks but hopefully I won’t have to deal with this pain any more either way.

    Not Your Place

    Posted on: March 2nd, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    Recently, I had to block a family member for sharing information that wasn’t there’s to share. I see it happen to friends and see people complaining about it online in relationship forums. I never thought it was something I had to worry about.

    It was a comment posted on a Facebook status that had nothing to do with the subject of the post. What struck me as he most infuriating was that it was so far off topic that it reaked of attention seeking. It was a very bold “I know something that others don’t, let me show them how important I am”. What’s worse is that this was something I did not share with this person. Instead it was overheard because they feel the need to stick their nose in business that doesn’t belong to them.

    There are aspects of my life that are private, that I share with immediate family and there are things that I keep from certain people because those people don’t deserve to know. In either case, I prefer to tell those people. I don’t need my business shared through to family members that I don’t speak to nor have a relationship with. If I wanted them to know, I would tell them.

    If you have good or bad news about someone, it’s not your place to tell. Simply mind your own business and leave it to that person to deal with. Dont resort to being a gossip because you have nothing worth sharing in your own life. It’s not your place.

    When Will it End?

    Posted on: March 1st, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    I’m very thankful that I did end up going to the doctor, otherwise I would still be suffering with the false hope that this will get better if I wait it out. I surprised, really, that it isn’t better. I must have royally fucked something up for it to still be hurting like this.

    I have an appointment for physical therapy tomorrow morning and I’m a little nervous. I just really fear it getting worse. With the help of some very strong pain medication, I am able to sleep through the night. I wake up in a ton of pain but I can make it about 6-7 hours.

    It’s really getting to me that it’s actually getting in the way of my life. I don’t do much, I almost never go out, but the pain is so bad off the meds that I can’t take the dogs out without pain, I’ve left the house less than 5 times in over a month, my mom/zack’s birthdays are this month and we can’t celebrate at a restaurant like we usually do, I can’t take Breya to the parade like I wanted to, I had to postpone a luncheon that his family was throwing for us for getting married, my birthday is in April and I doubt I’ll be healed by then, plus other things that hurt to much to mention. I can’t even go grocery shopping! It’s all these little things that make up my day to day. I can’t do them and it’s unbelievably frustrating. I’m thankful that there is some relief. You have no idea how thankful and I don’t appreciate it nearly as much as the moment the pills wear off and I’m trying desperately to get into a position that hurts the least.

    Whenever I think about all of this, I just want to cry. I know this will get better, I just have to be patient, but I am just so frustrated with my life right now when just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t be happier. I know it’s going to get better, I know that. But being in pain 24/7 takes it’s toll on you. I’m miserable and I’m trying really hard not to be. I’m counting down the days to my surgeon’s appointment and I truly hope he can give me some answer to when this will finally come to an end.

    Damn It

    Posted on: February 24th, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    My back is worse than I thought/it had been. I went to my PCP yesterday because the pain was no better, I couldn’t sleep, my calf was still very crampy/achy/numb and I’ve nearly tripped over my own foot more than a few times (drop foot).

    I explained all of the timeline to him and my symptoms and he checked the strength in my leg and performed an exam. He immediately suggested calling a surgeon. He wanted to get that ball rolling because it could take a while to be seen. He said if it’s as severe as he suspects, I’m going to need back surgery. He prescribed me a much stronger pain medication (hallelujah, I slept last night!) and Ibuprofen in a larger dose and sent me for a “stat MRI.” They got the results back quickly and it confirmed what he suspected. It’s pretty bad. It’s my L5 vertebrae that is herniated and is pressing on the S1 nerve root (I think that’s what she said) which explains why I have the pain and numbness in my calf down to my foot.

    It felt good to have my pain validated. I normally have a pretty high pain tolerance but I always fear that maybe I don’t. I’ve been in pain for over 3 weeks now and I’m frustrated, exhausted, and miserable. It made me feel better to know that I had reason to be. 

    I asked what the chances of me having surgery were and she said that it’s up to the surgeon, of course, but if she had to bet, I should go in there prepared to have the surgery. It’s severely herniated. I really don’t know what that will entail and I’m not sure if it’s something I should be looking up. I’m a worrier and I feel like I’ll end up making myself sick over it. I was assured that the surgeon is amazing so if it needs to be done, it needs to be done. If it needs to be done, I hope it happens soon so I can get it over with and that it fixes the problem. It would be really nice to not be out of order for a month or more every time. I was told that I might be trying physical therapy in the interim. I don’t know what that will involve but I’m happy to try anything to help with the pain.

    The surgeon appointment is on March 15 so hopefully I don’t end up making things worse somehow in the meantime. I’m thankful for my family and Andrew who have been amazing. My mom and brother and sister came over today to straighten up my house. It’s the only thing I want to do and I can’t. I so appreciate them and Andrew stepping up and being helpful and considerate. Poor guy has been forced to hold the fort, make dinner every night and still is caring and patient with me. I’m so thankful for him.

    I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel but I don’t know how long this tunnel is. Hopefully it’s not that long and I can be on my way to recovery soon.

    So Close

    Posted on: February 24th, 2017 by Randi No Comments


    Locked!

    LOCKED!

    There are some things even I won’t share with the world. This post is private and can only be seen by approved, registered members of this site. If you’d like to view posts like these, please contact me so I can sign you up. (randiftw@gmail.com or @randiftw).

     

    Our New Baby!

    Posted on: February 18th, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    We got a new car!

    Last Wednesday Andrew came home and said his engine was making a knocking sound. We discussed taking it into the garage this weekend and that was it. When he came home on Thursday for Lunch he had died once and it was making a loud screeching noise. He called out to take it to the garage with my mom and died on the way there. He made sure to re up his AAA membership earlier in the day, just in case, so when he died he could be towed to the garage. He died less than 2 blocks away and had to call them. It turns out is wasn’t worth fixing so we were without a car Friday. My mom took him to and from work.

    Saturday, she took him to go look at others. I haven’t been sleeping well because of my sciatic so I didn’t go, instead opting to stay in bed and get some actual sleep. I knew he could handle it. I got some sleep and he got us a new car.

    It’s a 2013 Suburu Forester and it’s so cute! It’s roomy and clean. I’m excited because this will be my car in a few years (if I ever get my license) and I love it. Andrew likes it a lot too. Now if I can only get my back healed so I can go for a ride in it!

    Sick of this

    Posted on: February 13th, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    We went to IKEA yesterday. We had been planning this trip for a while since I needed to get our dining room table. IKEA has great prices but we don’t have one close to us, so shipping anything costs $300 right off the bat. Our table, $199 would have cost us $499 to get to us. Sigh. 

    So off we went. Yesterday I woke up with some sciatic pain. I expected it. Every time I hurt my back, sciatic pain follows for a couple of weeks. It sucks but it sure as hell beats the back pain. We drove down to IKEA and wandering around that hurt a ton but we managed. Then we drove over to Microcenter (don’t have one of those either!) so Andrew could get his graphics card. He had been eyeing it for a while and he’s been so amazing, had we had he money sooner I would have bought it for him. He so deserved it. Not to mention, he upgrades, I upgrade! Standing around while he wandered around was bad. I just wanted to sit down.

    We finally got out of there and drove 30 minutes to his brother’s restaurant because I hadn’t been there yet. We got some food and caught up with him for a little while. The pain was getting unbearable so we left out.

    On the ride home, it hit a 9/10 on the pain scale and that’s basically where it’s stayed since. Sciatic pain is usually a shooting pain when you stretch your leg as you want or bend a certain way. I’ve never experienced it this bad. NOTHING alleviates the pain, no position, heat nor ice. I got down on the floor last night to stretch it out and I couldn’t get up. Even trying to roll over put me in excruciating pain. It was about 20 minutes and eventually just forcing myself through the pain to get up. I didn’t sleep much last night. I couldn’t get into a position where it didn’t hurt. God, that sounds like an exaggeration. It’s not. I have a high pain tolerance. I’d been eating Ibuprofen and basically bathing in IcyHot with Lidocaine and no relief. I’d fall asleep for an hour and wake up in so much pain. Since I was in the position it hurt the least in, what was I to do? Rolling over didn’t work. Getting up to pee was just me hobbling in sobs.

    It was so bad I had to go to redicare this morning. I got up to shower, maybe run some hot water on my ass area but it wasn’t working. I had enough momentum to wash my hair (sitting down twice) and had to get out. I thought I was going to faint from the pain. I came out, still snaked, and just fell on the bed. I moved closer to Andrew and got into a certain position that while resting my head on him stopped it from hurting. If I moved it hurt again but in that moment, there was relief. I fell aslee for an hour I think when my mom called.

    Redicare closed at 5:00pm and it was 1:30 at that point so I had to go then. I didn’t want to because I didn’t want to sit there in pain and that’s exactly what happened. Finally I was seen, though, and the doctor prescribed me Steroids, a pain pill, and something to help me sleep. I’m hoping tonight is better. Right now, I’m sitting upright on the couch watching Dr. Strange with Andrew. It’s my first time out of the bedroom today. I took a pain pill and my 2nd dose of the steroids so I’m hoping that’s helping. The pain pill, tramadol, didn’t seem to touch it before so I had to take another. At this point, as long as I don’t move too much and stay leaning to my right, it’s like a 1/10.

    I’m so frustrated because I spent 2 weeks limited to the couch. I couldn’t bend/roll over, I could barely wipe myself or tie my shoes. As soon as my back heals, my sciatic starts and prevents me from doing all of the same things. I just want to go back to normal or at least bring the pain down to a tolerable level. I’m so sick of being confined to bed rest.

    Mr and Mrs Boring

    Posted on: February 7th, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    My back is slightly better since we’re now on Day 8 of this injury. I’m just glad I can get up and move again with minimal pain. I have a lot I want to get done around the house but can’t out of fear of aggravating it more.

    I haven’t done too much except lay on the couch and watch Teen Mom 2. Probably not much different than what I would be doing sans back injury. I could go on for hours about that, if you’d like, but I’ll spare you the headache and frustration. Andrew has been watching it off and on with me, enough that he knows the names of the kids and who they belong to. So when something ridiculous happens I fill him in from across the house.

    On Saturday, we went out to lunch with Whitney! That was a lot of fun and having known Whitney for a few years now, it was great to meet her in person, and her husband Jamie. We went to Red Robin and laughed and joked and had a blast. Next time it’ll be our responsibility to get out to her area.

    That’s really it. Our lives are incredibly boring. We don’t really like socializing, we don’t like a lot of people, and we don’t have kids. It’s mostly work, video games/tv, dinner, more video games/tv, sleep, repeat. On occasion we’ll go out to eat or the movies but that’s only on weekends. It’s 10:00pm at night and Andrew is laying next to me on the couch sleeping. We’re boring.

    Broken

    Posted on: February 2nd, 2017 by Randi No Comments

    At 4:30pm on Sunday, I had gotten up to straighten up the house. I spent all day on the couch and couldn’t take it anymore. Since Sunday is garbage night, I planned to get some  chores done. Within 30 minutes I was back on the couch because I hurt my back. It was bad, (TMI) like sobbing on the toilet because I couldn’t wipe myself or get up without incredible pain.

    It still hurts 5 days later. I’m still having trouble getting up easily and bending down. The most annoying part is how painful it is to sit in my chair. Work has been a bit of a pain but my clients have been super cool about it, patient, and checking on me.

    I have things to get done around the house that I planned to do. Andrew was super helpful but he didn’t do the things I planned to so I’d like to get to them. Hopefully I wake up tomorrow almost back to normal.

I’m Randi, short for RandiLynn. I am a 25 year old blogger, web developer, furmama, and gamer from Northeast PA. I live with my husband and 7 animals. I live, eat, and sleep HTML & CSS. I spend my time creating pretty web stuff, blogging, gaming or binge-watching TV shows.


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