I’m very thankful that I did end up going to the doctor, otherwise I would still be suffering with the false hope that this will get better if I wait it out. I surprised, really, that it isn’t better. I must have royally fucked something up for it to still be hurting like this.
I have an appointment for physical therapy tomorrow morning and I’m a little nervous. I just really fear it getting worse. With the help of some very strong pain medication, I am able to sleep through the night. I wake up in a ton of pain but I can make it about 6-7 hours.
It’s really getting to me that it’s actually getting in the way of my life. I don’t do much, I almost never go out, but the pain is so bad off the meds that I can’t take the dogs out without pain, I’ve left the house less than 5 times in over a month, my mom/zack’s birthdays are this month and we can’t celebrate at a restaurant like we usually do, I can’t take Breya to the parade like I wanted to, I had to postpone a luncheon that his family was throwing for us for getting married, my birthday is in April and I doubt I’ll be healed by then, plus other things that hurt to much to mention. I can’t even go grocery shopping! It’s all these little things that make up my day to day. I can’t do them and it’s unbelievably frustrating. I’m thankful that there is some relief. You have no idea how thankful and I don’t appreciate it nearly as much as the moment the pills wear off and I’m trying desperately to get into a position that hurts the least.
Whenever I think about all of this, I just want to cry. I know this will get better, I just have to be patient, but I am just so frustrated with my life right now when just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t be happier. I know it’s going to get better, I know that. But being in pain 24/7 takes it’s toll on you. I’m miserable and I’m trying really hard not to be. I’m counting down the days to my surgeon’s appointment and I truly hope he can give me some answer to when this will finally come to an end.