New Chapter?

6:35 PM   ♥   4 Comments

Today, I got an overwhelming feeling that I want to learn to drive. Up until now, I’ve said never because I’m afraid. I still am but I realize that I’m being held back because of it. I don’t want to do it but I know I need to.

Mostly, I hate being home all day. I have the time to go out and do stuff but I’m stuck because I don’t have a car. I have no money for taxis and I am not a fan of city buses.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s going to help out. I need to get a job, any job really, while I finish up school since I ran out of loans. Having a car really cuts one of my last excuses out entirely. I’ll have money, extra money for the house. I can help with the bills. I’ll be able to get out and see my best friend. Andrew won’t be so stressed. Eventually, I’ll have a car.

Really, it comes down to I know I need to grow the fuck up. I’m still dependent on those around me and I’m never going to get anywhere relying on Andrew and my family. I’m an adult. I need to act like it. I have to start getting my shit together. Being afraid has been what kept me from doing all this, being afraid of driving, getting a job, growing up, having responsibilities, being an actual adult. My life is blowing past me and I’m wasting it.

I’m scared but I know laying around wishing I was doing something with my life instead of going out and doing it is what is bringing me down. There are days where I just want to sit and cry and look at all that I’m not doing. Seeing people who I never thought would go anywhere, actually doing something with their lives. I had high hopes when I was younger. Then one day, I saw how much effort was needed to accomplish them, and I said “Screw it.”

There are some days I worry that I’ve wasted time and money I don’t have on a degree for web development. I wonder if if I should have done something else, picked a profession based on the pay. This is what I want to do with my life. Even if the pay isn’t good, at least what I do will make me happy.

I just hope this “high” stays. My mom offered to help me learn to drive. Maybe this is a new chapter for me. My determination seems greater than my fear. I hope it lasts.

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I’m Randi, short for RandiLynn. I am a 25 year old blogger, web developer, furmama, and gamer from Northeast PA. I live with my husband and 7 animals. I live, eat, and sleep HTML & CSS. I spend my time creating pretty web stuff, blogging, gaming or binge-watching TV shows.

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