I love my siblings. It’s more than a normal Big Sister, Little Brother/Sister thing. I was a lot closer to Breya than I was Zack. I was 10 when Zack was born. I was 14, with Breya and from the moment she came into the world, I treated her like my kid. Regardless, I am close to both of them. My brother, doesn’t seem too interested in spending time with either of them. I don’t know what it is, exactly, but it makes me sad for them. If I’m being honest with myself, I am what my aunt *was* to us and my brother is what my uncle was. The only reason we ever saw our uncle was because he lived with our aunt. That makes me feel even worse because I couldn’t tell you what my uncle is up to now. I haven’t seen/talked to him in years. We (I mean the rest of my family excluding my brother) do not talk to my aunt anymore either but that’s because she chose her husband over her niece and nephew. That won’t happen with me. Regardless, that isn’t what this is about.
Zack was my annoying little brother for years. He was loud, obnoxious, and energetic. Miraculously, he outgrew that and Zack and I have so much in common now. He’s laid back, funny, and mature for his age. I never thought I’d be able to say this (because he’s a boy and I didn’t think it could happen) but we can talk to each other. At least, I can. I hope he feels the same with me. He’s a joy to have around.
Breya was my adorable baby. There were many times where she preferred me over our mom. She was always following me around and I loved it. There were hugs and kisses a plenty. Somewhere along the road, she stopped being my adorable little sister and turned into a pain in the ass. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I think that’s why it’s so hard for me to grasp. She has her moments still of wanting to cuddle with me, she comes and hugs me and tells me she loves me, but it seems like the next minute I’m being verbally assaulted or disrespected. And I think, maybe it’s my fault. I’ve treated her all these years like she was my kid. That’s not the case anymore because I don’t live with her. Maybe I forgot to transition from parent to sister. She didn’t seem to have that problem but she’s reminded daily whereas I only am when she’s here.
I get her giving my mom this attitude and sass. I don’t condone it but it makes sense. I did the same thing (although I waited until my mom left the room to mutter insults under my breath and Breya just blurts it out). This just isn’t what I pictured. I always thought I would be the one Breya came to. My mom and I talked in great lengths about it. I have the permission to keep Breya’s secrets (as long as they didn’t warrant intervention) and help her where needed (advice, birth control when the time came, etc). If she views me as a parent, that’s not going to happen. She’s not going to come to me with anything if she fears being punished or scolded by me.
The thing is, I don’t know how to fix it. When she comes over to my house, I have to parent. I’m in charge. When she’s here, it’s like I never left. I can’t let her get away with murder, either, because that makes it more difficult on my mom. I have to find a happy medium.
Maybe it’s time, I sit them both down separately. I’ve been meaning to do it for a while now. I want them both to know that I’m here for them to talk to. Zack is getting up to that age and I want him to know that if he needs anything or has any questions, that he can come to me. If he can’t for whatever reason, he has Andrew or my brother (if he can ever get a hold of him) to talk to. Both of them know, my mom and I talk constantly and we tell each other everything. I want them both to know that if they need me to keep quiet about something, all they have to do is say so. Breya may need a bit extra to help her understand our relationship and how I’ve made some mistakes but I hope to rectify them and be there for her, not as a parent, but as her sister and her friend.